The Alchemy of Relationships

We rarely tend to think about what it means to be the alchemist and when we become him. We become one when we feel we need to change direction - when we are able to fuse the different elements to create what is known as “alchemy gold”. These moments in life only occur when we are faced with struggle, when we can’t seem to find the answers we need to the questions we have; that’s when we find ourselves going to a therapist, or an astrologist, when we look for guidance and a new way of approaching thing - forging a new path for ourselves.

In relationships, that moment comes when we reach a blockage and don’t know why we keep coming across the same old problems.

The karmic order and family constallations always brning to us people with same karmic issues and main themes in this life/reincarnation. In that sense, if we have a father, who’s Saturn has aspects with our Venus, then inevitably, the first man of significance in our lives will also have that same aspect with Venus, and will somehow restrict and darken our love enthusiasm and disapproval of our loving feminine side, as well as impose constant limitations on our joy in romance and self-value.  Saturn always seeks to keep everything in order, to make things proper, to keep us safe and give us a feeling of belonging. Thus, only when our Saturn (or Chiron) is in aspect with the other person’s Venus, do we attain the key to the situation. This isn’t to say that the situation has necessarily been resolved, but rather that we now have the tools and the reflexivity to know what was the other person feeling, how and why they made us feel safe and loved, but didn’t share in our happiness and joy and consequently hated themselves for it.

While on the subject, how we can not take the time to mention another trans-Saturnal planet, which is believed to be karmically important, and usually the aspects with it when present, tend to repeat themselves within our close circle of family and friends, partners and lovers. This is precisely because there is a struggle for power always present here. Typically, when aspects of Pluto include the Moon or Venus, there’s an element of dominance and a desire for subservience from one individual towards the other (usually the one with Venus). It can be particularly frightening to consider in the context of a break-up or separation, especially if that separation is death. If one overcomes this power dynamic, then they have unyielding strength. The wound it leaves, however, is permanent, and any new kin will simply find themselves in the same old whirlpool. The transformation of an individual into being the dependant is often provoked by feelings of jealousy and guilt – the key weapons to achieve this, and can ultimately lead to a nihilistic spirit. People heal these wounds when in their support network of family and friends, they exchange places and learn the mechanism “safely”. The best way to heal from these dangerous oppositions is to go from object to subject (or vice-versa), and understand the mechanisms at play. This role shift gives us better clarity for how to overcome the emotional dependency.

According to Jung, “the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” I’d add on that sometimes, there can be a literal product as well, be it in the form of a child, a project, an idea.

What we also shouldn’t doubt is that the other person needs us so we reflect what they are back to them, so they come to love themselves - so they come to know themselves. Even in counselling  relationships like that of therapist-patient, astrologist-client, the meeting of the two should cause a change in both, not just one party.

In astrology, these karmic aspects will be activated by transits and directions, but we are still ultimately born with them, and they are the ontological baggage we are tasked with.

How can we know what they are? An out-of-proportion response or a loaded reaction is usually a strong indicator that this thing at hand is a manifestation of what we need to work on.

So what does it mean to “work” on these things according of the alchemy of relationships? It means extracting and utilizing all the knowledge and experience we possess within us. Take note - you possess it, because it’s hidden inside of you, subconsciously. All you need to do is access it, otherwise, they yield us rather than us them. That’s why whenever we meet someone, who so tangibly manifests these things we haven’t unlocked inside ourselves, we see it clearer within us. And that’s because the people around allow us to project the introspective. If something then seemingly appears to be missing, it’s only missing on a visible level, but not actually in the chart. Nature rarely gets it wrong. But when it has a harder time doing its job, it’s up to us to become the alchemists, and weigh in on what makes us happy, and how much of it we should be getting into our lives – ultimately how to become more happy or self-aware.


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