Loves Me, Loves Me Not, or How to Ask the Stars the Right Questions

 

Sigmund Freud once said, “We choose not randomly each other. We meet only those who already exists in our subconscious.”

 

The same can be said when it comes to Astrology. We don’t meet each other by chance, but rather only those who already exist in our birth chart. Each of us decides how we choose to conduct ourselves in those relationships - whether synergistically, unaware, without knowing where it leads or who we are, or fully aware of our roles, the energies at play in our subconscious and distinct personality. “We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours” (Heidi R. Kling). If we want to understand a relationship better, specifically, how to be happier and more fulfilled within it, this is where astrology comes in. It gives us not just the answers, recipes, and models of behaviour, but also confronts us with questions of who we are, and what we ultimately want for ourselves. Astrology can teach us for our choice of partner, and the potential of that relationship.

 

On that note, let’s talk about relationships: why are they important? What about them enchants us and constantly has us questioning?

 

As humans, each of us strives to know ourselves. Here you might be prone to say, “Yeah, yeah, I already know myself?” But in fact, how we construct relationships with others is reflective of how we construct relationships with ourselves.

 

In other words, how we love ourselves is how we love the other.

 

It’s no coincidence that here we turn to the myth of Narcissus:

 

Narcissus is one of the most recognizable images in Greek mythology. As a beautiful youth born in the region of Boeotia (present-day central Greece, 100km from Athens), Narcissus was the son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph Liriope. The oracle Tiresias prophesied to the parents that their son would come to live a long life, provided he never sees his face.

 

Narcissus grew to be very handsome, and many a women attempted to capture his heart. But he met all courtship with ambivalence. When at last the nymph Echo fell in love with the young hunter, he turned her away as well. This is where the different versions of the story diverge. According to one version, it was the goddess of revenge, Nemesis, who upon hearing the cries of all the women he rejected, chose to curse Narcissus. Walking back from a hunt one days, Narcissus saw his reflection in a nearby stream and immediately fell in love with it. Distracted by his mesmerizing looks, he attempted to kiss the image in the water, thereby falling in to drown. According to a different version of the story, one of the cherubims (angels of love) was madly in love with Echo, who Narcissuses hurt so deeply, and so took it upon himself to make the young god suffer by forcing him to fall in love with his own reflection. And the third, and final tale goes that Echo herself cursed Narcissus with the words, “I hope you yourself fall in love someday, and may she responds to your feelings the same way you have to me.” Upon hearing these words, Aphrodite, the goddess of love, heard her cries and punished him to fall in love with his own reflection. She got her wish, and Narcissuses died by his own hand, washed up at the surface of the crystal clear water bed. At the place of that brook grew beautiful white and yellow flowers we now call Narcissus.

 

Narcissus name has become synonymous with vanity and pride. Freud first incorporated the word into his body of work when he claimed that every human being is prone to narcissism to some degree all way from birth.

 

Here was just one example of how mythology gives us the essential archetypes and lexicons with which we talk about ourselves. The question is, be it vanity, or self-punishment, how much of it all depends on us?

 

Yes, the love towards ourselves depends on others and the love towards others depends on ourselves. Oscar Wilde posited the myth of Narcissus shows a pentagonal reflection - Narcissus in the river in love with himself; the river in love with Narcissus, reflecting his image back; the river reflecting itself in his eyes, in love with its own mirror image, ad finitum.

 

But often that’s the point of a relationship - to be able to look at ourselves, to be able to look at the other.

 

Now that we know the question deals with ourselves, let’s look a bit more into what that means exactly.

 

Actually, we’re looking for the Other. The mother and father in us, him or her, maybe the youth, the brother or sister we never had. We’re looking for the other half of our soul.

 

Here we can’t help but think of Wilde’s beautiful fairytale, “The Fisherman and his Soul”. According to a great many thinkers, including Jung and Clarissa Pinkola Estés, we are an amalgamation of souls - the male-female halves we hold, strung by the myths and tales of our past.

 

We can’t help looking for our other half - it’s the desire to be complete. In a great deal many fables and narratives, that’s the mythos - looking for a common soul. We often feel it like our main existential goal.

 

And if it’s so important, we can’t help but look to the stars after all for answers.

 

However, much like in life as in astrology, the answer is never clear-cut.

Let me explain why. Like we mentioned before, Man has an innate interest in (knowing) himself - often there’s something inside of him he wants to uncover, some energy, form, love, and many times it’s in the form of the Other. This manifests itself in your partner.

 

The problem here is, there just as many types of people as there are relationships, and none are alike - why the variety?

 

Ultimately, this is because of the different energies that define and shape a relationship. That’s why in astrology there are different “sectors” where you can find the answers. For example: if you’re asking about a romance from the age of 20 to 35, we’d look at the fifth house. If you’re asking about a marriage - the seventh. For sex - the eighth. For extramarital affairs - the twelfth. For a union of financial security - the eighth.

 

In these houses, we find the different planets that were there at birth, and with them come the different aspects they bring, and the ways in which these aspects reveal themselves in the recurring themes of our lives. Mars is the energy focal point and troublemaker, Venus is beauty and harmony, Mercury as the fast-paced communicator and mediator.

 

Not only that, but these houses often have landlords of sorts - different planets that either complement or repel other planets in that house, ultimately to boost or hinder those aspects in your life.

 

It’s why at the end of the day it’s so impossible to find someone we can love in all these different ways - because the houses, planets and their influence aren’t meant to be in sync with each other.

 

Similarly, an astrologist can’t always foretell where it’ll all be smooth sailing.

 

Instead, he might point out where there’s potential for good happenings and developments, where they are strongest and what we should be weary of.

 

In other words, before you ask anything, it might be best to really sit down with yourself and think:

 

It’s no coincidence that within astrology there exists a method by which everyday after being born is deemed the equivalent of a year in the life. 24 hours post-birth marks the events of 12 months.

 

There’s an interesting theory within The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier, which claims that within the first four months of being born, we come to already establish the model which will constitute the basis of all our future relationships. All preceding relationships are a repetition of that.

Within the male horoscope, this is often reflected in the position of Venus and the Moon. In the female horoscope, it can be found by looking at Mars and the Sun.

 

This explains why the presence of harmonious aspects between a man and a woman can be a strong predictor of a happy, long-term relationship.

 

How then can we find out what dictates our relationships, what the energies between each is and what to expect or avoid?

 

The best answer is to go about it using synastries. This is achieved by drawing an astrological map of the aspects between two souls, and trying to decipher the meaning behind.

 

Astrology can provide the answer to all the most personal questions regarding the relationships you come in contact with. We often ask ourselves questions like that, but rarely do we know how to formulate them properly. In life, like in astrology, relationships are ultimately nuanced, complicated and filled with astrological aspects (i.e. the angle between two planets, and their corresponding interpretation).

 

Synstrasy provides a personally catered prognosis for you and your partner according to the nine most key traits of your relationship. It tells you which aspects are important, why, and with what. Please feel free to have a look yourself at the link below. Take advantage of this knowledge for all spheres in your life, be it in your professional or personal life; Astrobooth can provide the answers you need. Know you can always check back on the site any time you might be asking yourself what’s most critical about your relationship.

 

Aspects are looked at in terms of potency, number and quality - challenging or harmonious.

 

And this is where we come to highlight - the divide isn’t based around bad or good, just challenging or harmonious.

 

You can think about it like this - your aspects might be harmonious, but a relationship isn’t taking hold because you aren’t particularly interested in each other or in establishing a stronger bond. Instead, it’s possible your aspects are challenging; there’s a push-and-pull and you can’t resist the attraction. There might be anguish too, but it’s clear you have a common path to go down, and questions to answer together.

 

In every relationship, there comes a point where we have to accept the need to put in effort if it’s to survive. It’s here astrology can help you learn which areas to focus in on, and which to be mindful of. And after all, we learn just as much from you as you do from us.

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These are the spheres of life we will have to re-evaluate, as we’ll have to accept new measures for.

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